Imagine if your teenager was more receptive and open to your advise and wonderful wisdom? You want your child to actively ask for help or advise sometimes instead of always offering it.
Especially when you don`t know if they:
actually need it?
even know they need it?
WANT it?
struggle to ask if they need it?
Talk about confusing! It`s not always easy to know if they need help or if they just need more space and time to figure it out.
Instead of always jumping in to help, they need to actively know how to ask for it or be more open to accepting that they need help.
You are good at helping, and being there for your kids. Because you are a good parent.
However, sometimes you need to invite them to invite you into the conversation which helps with more responsiveness. This creates buy in and prepares them to listen. It also respects their individuality and need for "independence." When they feel valued, they will be more co-operative and communicative. Using coach questions are a GREAT solution! Questions you could ask: Would you be opposed to me helping you with this? Would you like to think up some ideas together about this? It`s so much more freeing being a coach parent than finding all the answers.
Coaching helps them with critical thinking skills and prepares them for adulthood.
Always helping them actually hurts them.
Get them to put on THEIR thinking caps as you put on your listening cap!
Note: It`s not always easy to do but with practice, it gets much easier and you actually start enjoying "showing up this way" - as a coach parent.
I also like this question:
Do you mind if I make a suggestion?
Although you can`t use this too often as they catch on and begin to think it`s a way we get to tell them what to do in a "nicer" way.
Oh the joys of parenting young people!
Resources to support parents with coaching tools and strategies in preparing adolescents for life and career success.
"The purpose in the heart of man is like deep water but a man of understanding will draw it out." Proverbs 20:5
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